inability to plan the future….huh.
plan who’s future? your future? with me?
i planned my future… for so far long, i just don’t share it because it doesn’t involve you. i haven’t shared it with anyone because it doesn’t involve no one but me. it’s how far i plan to reach, how close i get to the moon, how i understand my
inability to focus so it revolves around just, me. my inner thoughts are all i see and here. my inabilities are the very reason why i built my future. so i can remind myself that when people like you, put me down, not to lose sight.. when people like you, take my attention, i remember what i’ve been building this whole time. so when i get disrespected 15 times a day i don’t let my heart break, i hold on tighter. i hold on even more to who i am. i won’t let go…. i need me. the more i let people like you hurt me the more my heart wont take and i’ll lose myself again i can’t i need who i am to build my future. i blue-print it with my passion now i have to build it with who i am.
i’ve never been able to see anyone in my future but me and my God.
he walks beside me but i’ve been opening all the doors. he just studies me, comforts me, tells me when to say no. tells me when its okay to say yes.
my dream has always been to accomplish this school, gain my knowledge, travel farther to receive what i went there for. find my comfort. then start again. i have many beginnings in my life & not once not even now do i see you or anyone else in them.
i let that go.
you don’t understand i’m always hurting, I learned how to cheer my own fucking self up. i learned how to smile on my own. i learned that empty feeling wont go away not even in a room full of people, my depression will never settle if i don’t learn to love myself
my belief that in this world i could be nothing, no one honestly cares for me will never leave if i see myself with company my whole life…
my heart has already waited, i waited with it. my life stalled, i felt no where.
then i woke up & felt it beating..
:) thank you so much, this made me really happy!